The "Squirrel Case"

When I was in high school, my best friend and his girlfriend (also a very good friend) were a debate team. They were very good, nationally ranked, and rarely lost to anyone unless they were nationally ranked as well. They put a great deal of thought and, more importantly, research into the topics (one year it was, resolved: the electoral college should be abolished and elections decided by popular vote only, the next, resolved: the government should provide universal health care, etc) preparing to argue for the topic and against traditional arguments on the topic. I remember meeting up with the two of them after a debate meet, both of them visibly upset. So I asked them gently, “How did the meet go?”
“We lost.” they said almost in unison
“Really?” I said with genuine surprise, “What happened?”
“They ran a freaking squirrel case!” he said almost yelling, with a little bit of spit flying out as well (and he didn’t say freaking.)
I don’t think I laughed, but I know I smiled at how angry these two very mild people were because she said, “It’s not funny, Tom.”
“You guys see those all the time. Weren’t you ready for that?” I said, apologetically.
He said, “It was the first time they ran it. They were laying for us, the freakers!” (again, not the word)
Now I should explain the underground (netherworld) of high school debating. It functions very similarly to sports teams where a network of information is passed between teams so they can properly prepare for an opponent. When a team knows who they are going to face next, they contact the last team to face them to see what they were arguing, like a sports team watches game film to prepare.
A team as good as my friends were would have already researched and prepared for any logical and most illogical (referred to as “squirrel”) cases but running into an illogical argument for the first time meant thinking on your feet and tying it back to some fact you had already researched and annotated.
I took my friends lack of preparedness for the squirrel case personally. It was my function in our group to come up the most illogical argument to present to them. I did this to prepare them for life; the mass of illogic that comprises our daily life and the nature of the cosmos as well. I primarily did this because it was fun to freak with their minds (again, not the word we used.)
{We cussed a lot, even by literate peoples standards, using vulgarities as nouns, verbs, adjectives, adverbs; all the principle parts of speech but mostly as punctuation between sentences, separating thoughts. I still think punctuation is as jarring as a curse word, rudely interrupting the stream of consciousness, just as vulgar; whenever you see a punctuation mark in my writing, you can replace it with an obscenity and it would read the same. [ James Joyce thought so, too, so there (about punctuation that is, I don’t know about cussing in general)]}.
I digressed inside my digression inside another digression. I apologise.
The reason I’m dredging up all this ancient trivia is recently someone referred to one (or all, I can’t remember) of my arguments as “Convoluted!”. (The double punctuation is intentional, get it?) Well, allow me to retort: if my arguments are convoluted, curved like space/time around a more massive fact, it implies that they have some mass. Unlike wave energy which proceeds in a straight line from its source (as I perceive my thoughts to be), somehow, magically, my thoughts have mass and are subject to the gravitational pull of “facts”. The more convoluted my thoughts are perceived to be, the more massive they must also be. The conjecture I operate from is that my thoughts are waves proceeding in a straight line and making connections. The convolution is generated by your frame of reference, a misperception of the nature of thought and the cosmos. So, what is it, are your massive “facts” convoluting my appartently also massive thoughts, or are my thoughts massless, interconnecting the universe, or are your “facts” equally massless?
I’m using a squirrel case to prove a squirrel case; Zeno would be proud.
I’m doing the same thing for you that I used to do for my friends, making you think on your feet, but that’s not primary thing.
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(A great debate topic for you: All the evils of the world are explained by Man’s unresolved Mother Nature issues. Discuss.)

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