How I woke up this morning
(This is a recounting of the last dream I had this morning.)
I was driving in a single seater car, approaching what appeared to be the town square of my little hometown. As I parked and extricated myself from the tiny car I realized it was the India blue BRM formula one car that I had as a Matchbox car as a boy. Of all the toy cars I had as a boy (between Hotwheels and Matchbox, several hundred), it was my favorite because it was the fastest, even faster than all the Hotwheels that had a better axle design that was supposed to make them the best, and yet this strange little car with the inferior design was still the fastest. I must have appreciated the irony even as a boy.
I then noticed I was walking along the sidewalk, perfect and flat, the way sidewalks weren’t in my hometown. They were always buckled from the roots of trees growing under them, but my subconscious had repaired them and left the trees as grand and vibrant as I remembered them. The color of grass in the midwest in the summer is hard to describe to someone who hasn’t seen it; the combination of the health of the grass and the angle of the sun shining on it return a definitive color, unique and almost surreal, the perfection of the color green. Green is my favorite color, by the way. So, my favorite car and my hometown awash in my favorite color, a nice start to my dream.
I was striding down the sidewalk, toward a destination I was not consciously aware of but happily anticipating being there. It turned out to be a party, more of a casual gathering of people on the lawn of the old courthouse. I was not the honored guest, just a party-goer, but welcome. As the afternoon turned to evening, having spoken and laughed with everyone at the party, I found myself alone with two young women, talking at some length. An agreement was made that we would leave the party together.
I was then striding back to my car with the intent of going back to pick up the women, only when seeing it, realizing I was in a single seat car and they would have to sit on my lap, stacked like cord wood. I decided that I should go back to tell them of this predicament. As I returned to the party it was in an anonymous room full of people in a circle around you, my love. You were sitting on the lap of a man in a chair, telling a story, much to the delight of the others in the room. I walked up to the two of you and said to the man, “My turn,” non-aggressively, matter-of-factly. You both stood up and the man stepped aside. As I walked past him I said,” Isn’t she great?” No reply, just a smile, so I said, “And you say?” “Yes she is,” he replied smiling. No hint of jealously between us, like he knew he was in my place. I sat down and you sat on my lap. You turned your full face to me and said “Good morning!” and looked deeply at my face. It was at that moment I started to wake up, but stayed in the dream a few moments longer.
When you wake up before me and I roll-over to see your face beautiful, bright, the joy of life in your eyes and you say “Good morning, how did you sleep?”, that is the best moment of my life. In the dream, I reached out with both my hands to hold your face, stroked your earlobes, and said “Good Morning,” feeling the weight of you on my lap, the heat of your body, the scent and silk of your hair against my face and felt not lust, as I normally do, but happiness, contentment, joy in your presence.
You continued to tell your story to the people who hung on every word smiling and laughing with you, your face animated, turning from side to side, to engage the entire crowd. I tried to listen but two thoughts keep me from hearing what you were saying. The first thought was the realization that yours was the only face in the entire dream; everyone else, while having gender, was indistinct, amorphous, not real. The other was that you looked so very real, so natural, the way I see you everyday. My subconscious sees you as ideal as you look to me in reality. My subconscious could not, or would not, improve on you. It would appear both my conscious and unconscious minds love you.
Something you said yesterday flitted into my mind, “We only realize how important things (moments) are when we look back at them.” I realize now why I’m so at ease with loving you; there is integration in my psyche.
I was, finally, fully awake but you were already gone, hours ago. Later in the morning when I saw you, I took your face in my hands, said “Good Morning ” and looked at you a little too deeply. You gave me a “What’s that all about?” look. I said I would tell you later and I think I just did.
By the way, congratulations, you are officially my dream girl.